(Me staring into my coffee thinking about how badly I need a manicure)
It’s been I think since March that I actually posted content on here which makes me so annoyed! I’ve completely neglected my lil second project! I started my blog when I was in second year of uni just because I kept blagging everyones heads about the latest beauty products and loved trying bits out here and there. I actually originally never wanted to start a blog, I thought it was a bit cringe and I thought some people wrote in a really big headed/patronising way. I said if I was going to do one, it would have to have my name, tone of voice, everything written all over it. So I spent about 2 months staying up till 2am learning how to HTML and drafting up the site until I was 110% happy with it, and that’s how it came about. It was my space to tune out from uni work and vent into my own little world of basically talking to myself. I was really proud of myself for writing and posting content which actually managed to get views and comments because some of you may know, around the time of starting my blog I got diagnosed with Dyslexia. I used to really get my knickers in a twist when I had to do academic writing at uni because it was honestly like reading/writing in a foreign language. So when I started this, and people said they loved my writing and how real it felt, it really gave me a confidence boost because I’d found a way to write when I thought I couldn’t.
So 2nd year of uni passed and I entered 3rd year where work just really took over and naturally but unfortunately the posts reduced and my blog just got pushed to one side. I tried to draft up blog posts on the tube like usual but I’d spend so much time on my laptop doing work I actually craved time away from it. I still have a page in my Notes app on my phone of posts and ideas, the creative thoughts were still there I just didn’t have the energy to do them. Also around this time, ‘Influencing’ had started to become really big on Instagram/Social Media and I was exposed to loads of other girls my age who were also blogging, some doing it to make a living and some just doing it on the side like myself. I started to compare myself to these girls and really put myself down, I’d think “why have they gained 5k followers in a week? (now I know cause they fake AF and paid for them) Why are their photos shot on a professional camera and mine on my iPhone, my look so bad? They can write so much better than me the posts just flow. That’s such a good idea why didn’t I think of that?” I’d really beat myself up about it for absolutely no reason. I felt like my little side project of venting my excitement over beauty & fashion just wasn’t good enough.
One day I was scrolling through who has viewed my Instagram story that day and was clicking on profiles to see who the people were, when I stumbled on a girl who also had a blog. I clicked on her page and it took me about 0.3 seconds to realise that her blog was an exact copy of mine, even down to the words. So I was already feeling a bit meh about myself and this just topped it off. How can someone just hit copy and paste on something I spent so long creating and put so much effort into? I had tried to make this the most ‘me’ thing and this girl had just copied everything. I tried to get it shut down but as she didn’t host on WordPress I’d have to pay at least £200 and who has the money for that anyway? I messaged her to ask her to change it and she told me I should be flattered she copied it as it was a compliment… and then blocked me. She did change it sightly now however some content still remains the same as mine.
So yeah, I felt like my blog wasn’t good enough and someone had the cheek to rip it off so I just lost touch. I understandably just thought what’s the point? But a few months on and I love reading other peoples blogs so surely there’s some others out there who do too and will read mine? So I’m going to mix things up a bit, give it a bit of a refresh and carry on talking to myself on the web again x
(Don’t worry, I got that mani days later)